Love…

I heard when you’re in love its all butterflies and rainbows. Tonight I learned it is never butterflies and rainbows. It’s trust and kindness that make a relationship or break it. 

Since my move to Sydney I have become bitter and nasty towards my partner, resentful was the word he used. To a degree  I have been. He’s been an easy outlet for all my anger and frustration until tonight. 

We’ve argued before about how mean and nasty I can become. I took the implanon out of my arm thinking that was the trigger for my rage. I was wrong. 

We fought because I didn’t want to cuddle in bed because I had to finish the washing. It escalated to a point he started throwing my belongings onto the front lawn. He grabbed and shoved me a few times. Called me various names. Trashed his parents house. And told me to get the fuck out. 

For the second time in my life someone who is supposed to love me has put their hands on me. Even though we worked it out I’m still awake at 4am scared and more alone than ever. 

I can safely say I deserved it.